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Someday, when the stars align, Teari...Thanks S.K.!<br /><br />Someday, when the stars align, Tearing the Shroud will be out for the world to see. Until then, it is in the hands of critique partners and a few select beta readers. *cough*<br /><br />:-D<br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06147774427230437233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-33606615260380319732013-03-20T11:54:24.068-07:002013-03-20T11:54:24.068-07:00I was absolutely drawn in more this time around. H...I was absolutely drawn in more this time around. Having it centered more around Vincent definitely makes it more alluring. I got that he thought it was a dream when it really was a vision, I liked that the fog was there in real life as well. Loving where it's going! <br /><br />I'm curious to see how he'll balance his everyday student life with what's about to be thrown at him...SK Anthonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04601373778228160390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-39902165164711706622013-03-20T11:27:01.222-07:002013-03-20T11:27:01.222-07:00Hi Lisa.
Thanks a bunch for the comment. I do see...Hi Lisa.<br /><br />Thanks a bunch for the comment. I do see what you are saying, however while we see that it's a vision, he thinks it's only a dream. As I also tried to show, he's tied up with school and what life is throwing at him, anxiety about that is overriding other things. At this point, he's not able to see past that. Once he realizes what's happening, that he is having visions, it takes over his life, so your suggestion is right on the money. :-)<br /><br />You hit on another thing that is close to my heart. Having fun with our writing. It's like sex...if you're not enjoying yourself...you're not doing it right. ;-)<br /><br />Pop over any time and thanks again for the thoughts.<br /><br />JM<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06147774427230437233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-16732016376842274402013-03-20T09:49:58.226-07:002013-03-20T09:49:58.226-07:00Oh, yeah... this opening is even better! It's ...Oh, yeah... this opening is even better! It's much clearer now that Vincent is the protagonist, and that the opening scene isn't really happening--it's a vision. I like it a lot. <br /><br />One thing stuck out for me, though-- in the next couple of scenes, there aren't any references to the visions. It seems like these intense, realistic-feeling scenes would stay on his mind somehow as he goes through the motions of his day. The fact that there was fog in his vision and then fog actually outside as he walked up the hill... maybe that could spur some kind of small reaction or anxiety? <br /><br />Take my comment with a grain of fellow-writer-salt. ;-) <br /><br />Have fun with the story and don't give up on it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-11164374902428834732013-03-18T12:49:42.124-07:002013-03-18T12:49:42.124-07:00Sorry, you are right I should have included it in ...Sorry, you are right I should have included it in this post. **facepalm** Here it is: <br /><br />Pitch:<br />Vincent expected to make friends in college, not have visions. The apparitions tell him to become possessed. If he doesn't allow it, evil creatures will enter our world. And he thought Calculus was hard.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06147774427230437233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-61145399456747187412013-03-18T12:45:45.016-07:002013-03-18T12:45:45.016-07:00Since Vincent is the MC, I'd prefer it start w...Since Vincent is the MC, I'd prefer it start w/ his chapter but it needs a stronger beginning. The battle scene is fantastic but does lead you to believe the story will mainly be about that world. You could make Coleman's chapter a prologue, but truthfully I don't like them. So, what to do? Of course this is subjective but maybe start with Vincent's chapter, only with something like this:<br />"Unaware of the bloody battle on the other side of the Shroud, Vincent stared at the floor of his advisor's office." <br />What do you think?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14831430087693468636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-52594541092686165452013-03-18T12:37:29.841-07:002013-03-18T12:37:29.841-07:00There could be a lot of reasons that you didn'...There could be a lot of reasons that you didn't make the second round... it'd be helpful to have your pitch along with the first 250 words. Maybe the readers didn't think your pitch matched with the first 250 or something? I'm just guessing, since I haven't read the pitch. <br /><br />I do think the battle scene is a good opening. It definitely got my attention. I'd be curious to see how this plays out, switching between these two worlds. That said, the Vincent opening is also interesting-- it shows more character and voice; the battle scene more action. I guess ultimately it's up to you what direction you want to take it. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-28026899503589434872013-03-18T08:42:59.038-07:002013-03-18T08:42:59.038-07:00Thanks again one and all for the feedback and comm...Thanks again one and all for the feedback and comments. Unfortunately, the contest judges didn't agree with us...I didn't make it out of round one. Thats writing. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06147774427230437233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-69032742407111727102013-03-18T07:03:40.454-07:002013-03-18T07:03:40.454-07:00Hi Lisa.
Thanks for the post, sorry your other ...Hi Lisa. <br /><br />Thanks for the post, sorry your other one floated off into the ether. <br /><br />Those are exactly the thoughts I hoped to spur and it's exciting to see it happen. :-) The idea of a "good possession" is one that has intrigued me for some time. Fleshing it out in the story was a challenge at times, but a fun one. I know it's "my baby" but though I've written it, and read it a dozen or more times, the whole thing still works. I hope/believe other people will resonate with the tale as well.<br /><br />I'm glad to TweetMeet too.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06147774427230437233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-12305531239835101772013-03-17T21:38:58.840-07:002013-03-17T21:38:58.840-07:00Hmm. I definitely commented yesterday, but it'...Hmm. I definitely commented yesterday, but it's not showing up for some reason... at any rate, let me try again. <br />I love this idea. A MC who has to allow himself to be possessed for the greater good = much more sophisticated and intriguing than someone who's possessed against his will. And who are the apparitions? Why Vincent, why now? Is this really happening, or is he losing his mind? AHH! So many tantalizing pieces making me want to read more. So I would definitely say you've got a strong pitch. The first 250 are evocative and I love things with gore and war, anyway, so I was drawn right in. Excellent stuff. Best of luck to you in the contest! And thanks for following me on Twitter. I'm kinda new and trying to build my network of writerly types. :-) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-3956132565242409182013-03-17T07:13:58.292-07:002013-03-17T07:13:58.292-07:00Thank you S.K. I hope they do as well, of course w...Thank you S.K. I hope they do as well, of course we all do. ;-) Are you entered?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06147774427230437233noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-12284951820644851982013-03-17T06:55:30.557-07:002013-03-17T06:55:30.557-07:00Your very welcome, J.M.!
As for me, guessing I&#...Your very welcome, J.M.! <br /><br />As for me, guessing I'm toast.<br />I posted mine yesterday and despite hundreds of visits, no one left a comment.<br /><br />Soul-crushing, really.<br />Blood & gore dripping is starting to sound about right.<br /><br />Clack, clack, clack<br />...Dina<br />http://dinawrite.weebly.com/tartanfrog-blog.html<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2845958057751458888.post-86674831607494779202013-03-16T22:45:33.234-07:002013-03-16T22:45:33.234-07:00I really liked the pitch. I hope they patch you th...I really liked the pitch. I hope they patch you through to round two... I liked what I read and want more, good luck!SK Anthonyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04601373778228160390noreply@blogger.com